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Steps to handle the conversations you do not want

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The communications expert and the author of surviving conversations: How to talk through any difficult situation on the job, there are 10 important steps to navigate sticky personal and business conversations – or “Fear,” said Used to be.

1. Calling your inner warrior firing an employee, telling a longtime seller, you reduce your order by 80 percent, what you believe about facing your business partner, unethical behavior, or barking Talking to the dog about your neighbor: There are situations where triggering panic. “We can be dismissed or attacked,” writes Hen and his co-authors. “We can harm another person in ways that we did not intend, and relationships could be affected.”

Steve Albrecht, who plays the role of doctoral in business administration and specializes in high-risk workplace behavior such as violence, substance abuse and bullying, is a San Diego-based human resources consultant, “These talks slow down and often Remembers “. “There will be two instances of poor behavior of the people, but they tell themselves that they are going to wait up to five before bringing it up. They are catching up for the right time to talk

“And do you know? There is no right time when I am called to handle these conversations, things have become so bad that sometimes people or departments are not talking to each other. But do not feel bad, but I think if the owners behaved like owners and brothers, problems could have been solved for six months or a year before talking to each other. ”

2. Be active when people develop their skills in a difficult conversation, they end with fewer crises, hein says, because they are responding to developing problems soon, they say, “we do not count accurately We do.” “We know the risks of raising a difficult topic, but we ignore the big risks of negotiating.” Plus, hein says, we rob other teams of opportunity to improve things (place your paddle to prevent neighboring everyday barking) or living place (a project manager adjusts product launches) , When he tells that prototypes are taking longer than expected).

Instead of waiting for the cost to increase, tell a customer that you are running 20 percent of the budget when you have a conversation, provide a solution: presenting a way to trim the budget for the final steps of the project, There is a proposal to share the cost of over-executives, and to ensure the estimates of their costs, a strategy is outlined on future projects.

Albrecht agrees if you want to avoid big, difficult conversations, then he suggests small, frequent conversations. The supervisor should coach the staff on a daily basis and the partners should regularly check with the targets and strategies on one another. “Be alert,” Albrecht says, “pay attention to what people are doing and how they are doing.” Instead of storing them for a major performance review or strategy session for six months under the road, make small suggestions. Like sailing, if you do not make minor seasonal improvements, then you flowing in the opposite direction of where you intend to go. ”

3. Set up the forum Plan the conversation You do not want to be sensitive to discussing motivated conversation during a meeting. If you have to share unwanted information, make sure that you have started the conversation. The flag says, “The person you are giving bad news to is not with you,” also runs Newsworth’s consulting firm, The Cristies Group. “If you do this, then you lose the opportunity to set the conversation properly, which is the most important thing as it sets the tone for the following.”

Choose a personal setting, so that you can talk without any interruption. Set up the agenda immediately when Eltar had a turnover conversation with the lawyer, then he started, “You and I are going to have a difficult conversation, so I need to hear you without jumping on the conclusion.”

If you are having a tough conversation with your business partner, you can take a test to do this during lunch or after work during the cocktail, Albrecht has suggested that you set the right tone by talking in the office. Do it. They say, “This is an important business negotiation, so tell it about business from the beginning.” He suggests asking your partner to say something like, “I need to talk to you immediately, we go to the conference room and close the door.”

4. Direct and Clear: Sometimes, in an attempt to make conversations less inconvenient or unwanted news more delicious, we try to be diplomatic or harmonious. He may have reversed “Efficiently intended,” he says, “but it can often mean that you are indirectly” and can be misunderstood

Say, an employee is late late, in an effort to be beneficial, you can make a general declaration statement, for example: “It is important for people to be important here and to be shown for meetings from time to time” or ” I trust people coming here during the working day. ” Or to establish sympathy, you can tell a story about yourself, for example, you are complaining to an employee for days to answer an email or call, so you say something like, “When I started I was not, I did not know how important it was for people to come back immediately. ”

In both cases, you think that you are clear, Hein says, “But the person who receives does not know that you are talking about him, or he is not really listening to you.”

5. Are you solid about what you have observed Specialize the offer instead of generalization and do not use labels to describe behavior. Let’s go back to a slow employee if you say, “You are always late,” you are making a place to dismiss, argue, or ignore your employee. I am not always late, he can think I got in the five-minute office this morning. Typical examples are very good: “You were late for 20 minutes on Monday and 30 minutes late on Tuesdays. You have shown up to 10 minutes for the last three weekly meetings.”

Use inappropriate behavior such as the same approach to drinking the workplace, you can say, “What I see especially here that will inspire me to believe that you have a problem of alcohol”. Then, Albrecht says, describe what you have seen: “You smell like alcohol, you threw it on the other day, and it is not due to the flu. I slept on your desk, someone has given you parking I saw something that did not look like coffee. ”

If your company has an employee-in-aid policy for the use of substance abuse, then discuss the place. And the employee should know the consequences of his behavior: “If I suspect you are drinking again, then you are risking your work.”

6. Different intention than effect. People’s intentions are invisible, hein says, so do not try to guess what they are. Instead, pay attention to the consequences of their behavior. Instead of saying, “Clearly you do not have to be on time” or “You feel that your time is more valuable than any other,” try to do something like this, “When we come to you before you start Wait 15 minutes for the morning meeting, which causes us to walk all day long. ”

It is important to focus on the impact while talking to a business partner or team member who holds the same position as you. Albrecht says that this is a tough negotiation compared to those who report for us, so we are more likely to be defeated around Bush.

When you have a problem with a colleague, open a conversation with a line, “I need to talk to you as your partner and my friend.” Give examples of offensive behavior- “You told three colors on the pitch last week’s meeting.” Then proceed to see how it could affect business. “No one laughed, and two people on the client told me that jokes troubled them. If the customers do not feel comfortable with us, then they are not giving us their business.”

7. Changes in a Contribution Conversation with a Defect Conversation Instead of handling a problem, it is entirely the fault of the other person, the owner of his part, Han Haen, advises. You could say something like, “I should have brought it six months ago. Maybe you do not know how important it is to us for our programs.” Remember, he continues, there is no flaw in conversation; This is about fixing a problem if you take some responsibility which often prepares another person to accept responsibility for their part.

8. Adopt another stand. Using their own weapons without any fluctuation and being oral equivalents. It expresses a posture while not sacrificing its own to open another person’s viewpoint, hein says.

Hear the difference for a staff member in these two sentences. “You really come up with great ideas, couples, but you have to pay attention to the details of projects.” So optional: “You really come with great ideas, couples, and you should pay attention to the details of projects.” It is easy to think that the first statement, which is with its verbal criticism, There is a possibility to feel. The second sentence does not reduce the contribution of the pair and through its creative ideas, there is a greater chance of opening behind them about the tools they need.

Hein says that accept the use of someone else’s approach and without “reducing the power to enforce his decision and to make it clear that your decision is final.” Long time to tell the supplier the painful conversation to be told. “I am reducing my order because this is the right thing for the lower line of the company, and I think it is disappointing for you. I know that you are standing by us when we were just starting, And I still need these deductions. ”

9. Try to be a good listener instead of a fanatic motivor. In the class of studies at Harvard Law School, he tells his students something surprising: Advocacy is the last resort strategy. “If you are trying to convince someone to neutralize,” he says, “advocacy can be effective. But if they have different perspectives, then this is very ineffective.” In these situations, “The most inspiring thing you can do is open yourself to persuasion.” So when you are trying to change someone’s situation, you do not listen- “Your inner voice is very active,” says Hen. What’s more, when you’re motivating someone to switch to your perspective, they’re going to push back.

Hein says, “If I’m listening, then I’m more likely to convince you.” “Listening is the most inspiring weapon.” It speeds up the social ideal of reciprocity and increases the barriers to reaching the agreement on the dispute.

10. Identify that there will be no happy ending in some difficult negotiations. Albrecht was once hired to talk to the founder of a tech company, who congratulated the staff on a grand scale. “He was really a big man, and he would embrace everyone by raising them from the ground,” says Albrecht. “It was terrible that men provoked it, while women thought it was improper touching.” The Board of Directors wanted to stop the behavior.

“I told this guy that he was great that he was enthusiastic, but his behavior was over,” says Albrecht. “If the company considered the harassment of the hugs, then the company could get a lawsuit. The valued employee could leave and for talent in a highly competitive market, it can be difficult to hire people, customers and customers can listen to it. And the company does not want to take their business. ”

The result: Hugs continued, and the founder was fired from his firm

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