Elizabeth Gilbert is a few feet away from me, my heart is growing fast (I may have a little sweat) and I can feel my hands shaking.
My lack of breath is partly due to the presence of a woman New York Times best seller (something I wish) for partially because of my presence, but also because there is a microphone under my mouth-I did not use it Is really long
I am an author, and for a while I was doing what Elizabeth Gilbert is doing here-traveling and talking to people about my book but the last time I talked in this room, I I knew that this would be the last time I would give that speech. I had asked to say about my first book. Now I was not feeling emotional during the climax of the story. It was time to move on.
I was a little confused and guilty about this decision till the last month, when I interviewed a musician (Will Wells, who worked with Hamilton and toured with Imagine Dragons) when I talked to him, being in transition Told about the second book on my work, “Oh yes yeah! You just toured your first album!”
I wanted to embrace him then and there. This gave me great relief
When I was at a distance of a few feet from Elizabeth Gilbert on the microphone, then it was a while since my last “tour”, because my voice grew up for a large group of people. And despite being in Tallahassei for a TV show, I am hosting for the year, at this time I am feeling more at the camera or on the stage.
When Elizabeth ends her natural thing (a power point, no support, only a woman and a bottle of water in which the whole of the heart captures a complete theater with the authenticity of the story), then I immediately walk on the mic Stand up and tell me everything inside me sit back
You might think that a person who is very comfortable speaking on stage and on TV shows and who has met the New York Times best selling authors before they do not panic but for some reason, at this moment , I am asking a question which I was thinking about two years, in front of an audience, and the desire to work for a woman? It saves butterflies through my shoes to their fingertips
But I do this anyway.
Hennington’s Renai Eilez Goldsbury said, “Just show up, fear.”
Renée Elise Goldsberry is a very smart woman
I’ll show Mike, Fear
I open my mouth and ask Elizabeth Gilbert who I was thinking about and struggling for two years:
“Lin-Manuel Miranda said that self-doubt is like ‘rocket fuel’ and it can blow your ship if you do not tell it right. Have you ever felt that self-doubt could blow up your breathless ship? About it, and if so, how do you do it right? ”
(As you’ve already guessed, I’m really inspired by those who made Hamilton, they came to my life at one time when I tried and cared about being sensitive and the worst about me There were weak parts, there was a time when I thought that the answer to the suffering of self-doubt was to stop writing. Stop trying, be careful. In such an unfair world, A. The clever thing was that I was trying and am going to take care of me and shut up everybody:
Try less now and do not care. Keep away from uncontrolled enthusiasm
I did not know it then, but it seems that before you bear the white flag, before that injustice wins – when the ship is about to fly and rocket fuels cover every wooden trap Have given; The match is lit, and in your hands.)
Then Elizabeth responds to my question and I throw the match into the ocean.
She says that she has learned in her career that self-doubt is not a symptom that you are doing wrong- this filthy voice is not speaking truth, but she (even with wild success) Does not move away She has learned to live with it, she says, by re-spreading it
She tells me how she sees self-doubt: As a good sign, a reminder that “you have skin in game”.
I’m almost positive that he says that Hamilton’s intention is not to reflect the song, but my mind goes right there: “When you get skin in the game, you live in this game, but you do not win Unless you play in this game. ”
He has seen me whole time straight in the eyes because he gives me gifts with such knowledge which only writes throughout the year and earns years of skin in the writing and wounds and cuts of the game.
His eyes are completely glowing, as he exposes the years spent in his creative works. Or maybe it was just an overhead light
Or maybe this is the same thing
Despite the reciprocity, when I go back to my seat, the evidence is that there are hundreds of other people in the room who also like the answer to Elizabeth’s question, I feel as if she only talks to me, as if we were living in a living room A quiet corner, author to the author, and he is telling me to move forward.
Sometimes I forget that I have not really met Elizabeth Gilbert, that she is not my friend, my teacher, that we have not embraced
At the end of the night, I am thinking of Elizabeth, keeping in mind the concept of “skin in the game”, breaking the metaphor, sometimes when I am driving (the pattern is my jam).
In my car rental, in the dark, I think about the possible literal sense of “skin in the game”, from where it comes. I can not do Google because I’m driving because I think about the HBO show Game of Throne and I think someone closed their armor, exposed their real skin in the game. “Skin in the game” was always looking so strong for me: hard, rugged, athletic, brave, traveling I have never described my words.
But this night, on the empty Tallahassee road, I know for the first time that “skin in the game” is also the ultimate vulnerability.
I start resuming my own self-doubt, I start seeing it as an indication that I am taking a protective armor. It may be that my confidence is indeed a sign of bravery.
That whenever you feel crushed by the voice, “you are not enough,” it is actually just a lie to distract you from the amazing thing you are trying to do: protect your protective armor Turn off and say, “Here I am insecure,” to meet your whole soul, I hope that it gives courage to someone else to do this.
The skin is also frighteningly weak, which keeps it inside. How much I close my eyes in the violent parts of the game, it is very clear that when you walk unarmed through a cruel and chaotic world, then how delicate life is.
In the game the theorem is more likely to hurt the skin. You are unaware insecure And the winter is coming. This is where the fear is coming, the horror of outering yourself or your work was exposed.
I had seen a documentary on women entrepreneurs last night, and in it Susan West, how vulnerability in our culture looks weak and why it is done, talks about this – “It is unsafe to be the most powerful.”
First of all, weakness is not strong, so if you are scared, then this is not a sign that you are doing it wrong. I think this is an indication that you are doing it properly.
If you look closer to the people whom you admire most, then whatever you want, you will probably find what I have found: that they feel terror all the time – they do Renee Elise Goldsberry, who Something I’m trying to do too:
“Show up, fear.” Skin and all
To feel the heat of embrace, we should probably take the risk of cuts. Scraps wounds
When it hurts the most and what I want to do is reach my armor, I can not help, but I wonder if the marks in the game can be the best, then When it comes out, the biggest difference.